Solving a Rubik's Cube

The 3 by 3 Rubik's cube has intrigued me as a child and young adult but I have never gotten to solving it. I have been impressed by people who seem to solve it with so much ease and at a fascinating speed. I also grow to believe that people who can solve the cube are geniuses and probably have fantastic spatial intelligence. I admit that I have extremely poor spatial intelligence, and one tell-tale sign is my lack of direction sense for driving. Years ago, I heard that it is possible to solve the cube by following some algorithms. Hmm, so solving the cube is no longer a mystery and can be learnt! And it means that it is not exclusive to geniuses. I bought a cube at that time but still could not go beyond solving one face, and it eventually became a white elephant. That was at least 5 years ago.
This year, my eldest son's classmates starting playing with the cubes, and I am secretly happy that he is also attracted to it. I gladly took out my old cube for him to try. I thought that he could learn it from his friends and I wouldn't want to bother myself to solving it. However, I couldn't resist finding out the 'truth' this time, and together, we watched a Youtube video on it. We didn't understand the instructions that were also putting us off. I reverted to my deep belief that this cube is meant for geniuses. Not admitting defeat, my son pestered me to buy a new cube after the old one dropped and broke into pieces when his younger brother was also trying his hands at it. The new cube came with instructions on solving, but understanding the solution was not easy. The instructions were vague and there were full of symbols that were again putting me off.
However, my son's determination to solve the cube spurred me. Seeing that he was unable to do it on his own, I started to spend hours studying the instructions to figure out the step-by-step algorithms to solving it. It was painful but in the end, the cube was solved! I did it! Not particularly exhilarating but I am glad that I have debunked the myth that the Rubik's cube is only solvable by geniuses! It can be done by following instructions! It is funny because I got myself so determined to solve the cube that has enticed me for so many years but could not solve because of a belief that I cannot do it. It is different this time because of my son. It is because of him that I decided to learn. I wanted to teach him. Or maybe I wanted him to show him that it can be done - 'if his mum can do it, so can he', and so that he wouldn't feel less capable than his classmates who can do it. He is certainly better at solving it than me now, in terms of speed. I am still clumsy at turning the faces while trying to follow the algorithms on the instruction sheet with my glasses for presbyopia.
What is the moral of the story? First, the Rubik's cube is not something exclusive to smarter people, it is something that can be learnt by anyone who cares to learn it. Second, having children can push us to do things that we didn't believe we could do! Interesting!

Reflections of the Last Decade

This last decade has passed in a flash. I have celebrated my 10th Mothers' Day! It was an ordinary day that was filled with chores and parenting duties, one of which was preparing the children for their coming exams.
This year, I find myself overcome with emotions, shedding tears of joy. I felt blessed to be a mother, and thankful for these 2 children. This is in contrast to the feelings I had in the last years, where I was frequently overwhelmed by the challenges in dealing with their temper tantrums, health issues, preschool issues, friendship issues, learning as well as disciplinary issues. These challenges were exacerbated by my own guilty feelings of leaving them in childcare, and my feelings of inadequacy as a mother.
What has changed? I asked myself. There are many factors. Certainly, the children have grown up and demand less physical care! They can brush their own teeth, shower themselves, pack their own bags, clean their own shoes and many more. In fact, they are able to help out in the chores now and then. Growing up also means developing greater cognitive abilities. They can be reasoned a bit more and hence, less unruly and more likely to be cooperative.
However, I choose to believe that the main factor that brought about my internal changes is my decision to stay at home with them. I have observed that there were significant fewer temper tantrums with my younger boy since I changed him from a full-day childcare centre to a 4-hour-a-day preschool when he turned 5. Of course, one can argue that 5 years old is a golden age where a child becomes more pleasing and cooperative. Or it could be that I have 'grown-up', and have become more experienced and at ease in dealing with disciplinary issues. But I believe that having more time with him at that time, which in turn translates to better mutual understanding, helps us to build a more positive relationship. While he still has his occasional temper tantrums, he is now more of a sweet and loving boy.
The elder one has always been an easy-going and eager-to-please child. I started to stay at home when he started primary 1. Unlike the younger one, there were fewer disciplinary issues with the elder one, but spending more time with him allows me to understand his relational problems at school as well as to coach him in his school work. He has since been achieving outstanding results in school, and has attained achievements beyond our wildest dreams.
Finally, but most importantly, I believe that staying at home releases me of the guilty feelings I once had as a working mum, even though I did not admit to it then. Now, I can be at any school events that require me, e.g. meet-the-teacher sessions, learning journey, school performances or simply bring them lunch, wait for them after school, be the first to listen to their woes and good news about school, help them with their homework and so many more. This may be less exciting than having a career with good promotional prospects, good pay and travelling opportunities, which I am no longer enticed by. I have gotten used to a simple lifestyle with little luxury. But I have gained so much more. My heart is often filled with gratitude for the privilege I have in seeing my children grow. What I do lament is - how many more years do I still have in carrying out these parenting duties? Perhaps another 10 years before the boys become independent individuals? And as a mother, I have come to realise that 10 years will go by in a flash. How I treasure these moments with the children! I have been laughing a bit more and harder. I have become less inhibited. My expectations of them have also become more realistic, as I begin to think in terms of their needs and their strengths when making decisions regarding them.
The great thing is that I am not alone in this journey. Being at their school so frequently also means that I get to know other like-minded mothers - mothers who give themselves up for their children. Like me, these mothers not only cook, bake, wash, and take care of the general well-being of their children, they also chauffeur and tutor them! I have learnt a lot from these mothers, and we support each other.
I would encourage mothers who want to stay at home to do so when the children are young. In a span of 10-20 years, the little infant or toddler will grow up, and no amount of money or hard work can reverse this process.
How would the next 10 years turn out? I do not know! But certainly there will be challenges in dealing with adolescence. I am not sure if I will be ready to take on those challenges, but I am willing to keep learning. Reading books on parenting and talking to other mothers have helped me to become a better mother and person!
I celebrate because I have come a long way. I have changed so much in the last decade! Thanks to motherhood.

Playing Catch-Up

Outdoor activities with 2 active, growing up boys are weekly affairs in our family since they were very young. Not only do outdoor activities force me to work out, they help us to bond as a family. However, with passing time, things have become less rosy for me.
The stamina of these boys, now aged 10 and 8, is unbelievably great, and will become greater, in years to come. As for my husband and I, the reverse is certainly true. As we can't defy aging (both of us in our mid-forties), our stamina has become poorer with time. Running is certainly out for both of us. So I prefer walking, especially long distance walk in parks, enjoying the beauty of nature and breeze. But walks are not attractive to the boys. They prefer to run around,zoom about with their skate-scooters, to play ball and to cycle.
We spent the Saturday 2 weeks ago cycling in East Coast Park as a family. It was only 2 years ago that both boys learnt to ride a 2-wheeler bicycle. They have now grown very comfortable with cycling, despite some minor injuries from time to time. We cycled for about an hour, covering a total distance of about 9km that day. The up slopes proved to be a real challenge for me, and towards the end of the ride, I was struggling to catch up with them. This time, the boys did something I didn't expect of them. They stopped frequently to wait for me to catch up with them. While I was pleased with their kind gesture, I urged them to keep going.
Later, it dawned on me that our roles have reversed! Not so long ago, I had to wait for them to catch up when we brought them outdoor, or I had to walk slowly alongside them. Now, they are the ones waiting for me to catch up!

Reflections of 2014

2014 has come to an end and we have welcomed 2015.
2014 was one year that was full of many challenges, and at the same time, many pleasant encounters. I marvelled at how things have turned out. It was no doubt a busy year, and I feel more like a housewife than before, engaging in more housewifery duties.
Last year, the children have done me proud by showing much tenacity in handling new challenges and showing diligence. The elder one was in Primary 3 last year, and was very busy with homework. It was the busyness and the hard work that saw him grow, within a year, into a mature, responsible and conscientious tween. Now, he takes homework in his stride and does not complain as much. He also finds a few good friends in his new p3 class and I was very happy for him. The younger boy entered primary school last year. It was pretty smooth-sailing for him, and I think he has transitioned well from pre-school to primary school. Having an elder sibling to show the way definitely cuts down the anxiety and uncertainties. There were no issues with bullying or problems with teachers. Perhaps, I also became less anxious and learnt to take things easy.
My mother came to stay for a couple of weeks last year when my siblings went away for a holiday. It was strange how well we got along, after not having lived with each other for close to 10 years. We have grown closer over the years, after I became a mother. The main reason was that being a mother helps me understand her position as a mother to me. It sounds like a cliché but I have realised how much I have loved her and appreciated her for being my mother! It was definitely good to have her live with us : she helped with the cooking, taught me a few new dishes, and we spent a lot of time chatting. She seemed happy and free of burden. I miss having her with us.
And yes, we did go back to Japan after all, in June. Final trip to Japan, I said, and we ought to visit other interesting places in the world! The kids enjoyed it as much though.
I feel contented and pleased with how things turn out last year even though there were disappointments and setbacks. What I have been grateful is getting to know many more parents from the kids' school, and they, knowingly or unknowingly, have given me great support. I hear them share their views on parenting and learn quite a bit from them. I have also attended a few parenting talks and workshops, and read several parenting books. I believed I have grown as a parent. Being a parent does require continual learning and growth!
Last year, there was very little time for myself, but I managed to attend a Mandarin pop concert on my own! I also picked up piano lessons again, attending lessons with my younger boy. It has always been my dream to keep learning music. Learning Spanish was also what I did with my elder boy for 10 weeks. I hope I have inspired them a bit more to love learning.

Juggling Studies and Family

I have been absent from the blog for so long without realising it. It's been 9 months. For the last two years, I was actually working on a research project in pursuit for a postgraduate degree, that included attending evening classes. It was not easy juggling studies and family, but I have managed to complete assignments and research requirements while taking care and coaching the children, with the help of my mother and husband. It had been stressful but at the same time, it gave me a sense of fulfilment. After all, both my boys were in the afternoon session, and that gave me a couple hours each day to work on my studies. I have often been grateful for this part-time study. I wondered if I will be bored or feeling a sense of meaninglessness without something to work on.
Unfortunately things did not turn out the way that I have wanted. After slogging for 2 years, I decided to give it up. I felt that there is little guidance from my supervisor and I began to feel more and more alone in the journey. I could not imagine myself carrying on with the project for another 2-3 years. The decision to give up was not difficult to make. After all, things seem to be tough for the next 2 years. The little one has entered primary school this year. He is in the afternoon session while his elder brother is in the morning session. With the cooking, cleaning and supervising of the children's work, I did not have time anymore to focus on writing and reading. While it may seem like a pity to give it up after 2 years of hard work, I see it as something inevitable. With the late nights and stress, it was also taking a toil on my health.
I am a happy person without the degree, and now, I am truly a full-time mummy. I spend the mornings with the younger boy, sometimes taking him out for walks; and the afternoons with the elder one, coaching him in his work and once a week, take him out for a walk. Time with the boys is now spent without guilt, and without a fear of not fulfilling my obligation as a student.

Our Overseas Trip

This June holiday is a special one. We spent the first week holidaying in Osaka, Japan. We have waited so long for an overseas trip and this is our first one as a family after so many years (not counting travelling to Malaysia). The trip was not a very much anticipated one because it was a last-minute decision to travel to Japan and I have also always envisioned a holiday trip with the children as one to either Australia or New Zealand. It turns out to be an enjoyable and fruitful trip. It is an eye-opener for the children, as they watch and observe how people from another culture live. We were left with a deep and positive impression of the Japanese's living habits. They have impressed us as organised, polite and purposeful people.
The train system in Japan is excellent. Their trains ran smoothly, and even if there were delays, announcements were clearly indicated on the sign boards, with the length of delay. At the train stations, people lined up patiently and orderly. Japanese do not have a no-eating rule in their trains but their trains are clean. They dispose their litter in respective bins - recycling is a culture in Japan. Not only that, we are impressed by their responsibility to clear up their utensils after their meals, cleaning up after their own mess! They are not messy to start with. One thing that I am most impressed with is how different people take up different roles in the society. There is no need for liberal imports of foreign labourers. From cleaning of the streets, washing of the toilets, construction, factory operations, administrative work and service industries, Japanese are the ones who do the job. It is amazing that they do not give excuses such as labour shortage or 'no one wants to do the work' in order to bring in foreign talents or labourers. Female crew manned the boats that we rode in and old people swept the streets.
Japanese demonstrate child-like innocence, in the way they showed joy and excitement at Universal Studios Osaka. Cute decorations or stuffed toys are greeted with 'kawaii' and a great smile. I love observing the Japanese, who often demonstrate their child-like innocence so spontaneously.
Japan used to be a leader in technology and innovation, but it has been outshone by the Americans. However, a visit to the country still proves to be an eye-opener for us. Visiting the toilets is a learning journey in itself. It takes me a while to figure out how to use the flush and the bidet. Even the toilet roll holder has some gadget that neatly replaces the roll after the first one is used up.
Not knowing the language proves to be a disadvantage. I believe if I have understood the language, I would have appreciated their culture even more. There are so many things that we can learn from the Japanese.
The boys thoroughly enjoyed themselves despite the long walks each day. The trips to the zoos, Nara deer park, aquarium will be something that they will remember for a long time. They spoke about returning to Japan soon. Even my husband, who is often critical, is full of praises for Japan and desires to return.
Hubby and I went to Japan in 2001 but this trip with the children seemed more meaningful than the first. The excitement over feeding wild deer is now twice as much as we had as a couple. We have created memories as a family.

Big Minds Small Minds

Mothers' Day came and went. It was my 8th Mothers' Day. I am grateful that I am continuing to enjoy motherhood. I make new discoveries about the children every day. Last week, as I was putting the children to bed, the eldest one commented that he does not want to have children of his own when he grows up. He said he would rather build a robot. I was not only puzzled, I was also angry. I thought he probably read too many fiction books and spent too much time playing with his toy transformers. My anger turned into curiosity when he said that he wanted to save the Earth. He then went on to say that human beings have done too much destruction to the environment, and he is not keen to bring another human being into the world. Makes sense... But I was also eager to change his mindset. Haven't we been urged to help with the continuation of mankind by having more children? Now this 8-year-old boy ‘has decided’ that he doesn't want to have any children. I went on to tell him in a stern tone about how he can save the environment in the future by actively educating people on the needs to do so. I said that the world needs someone like him, and he can teach his children to help pass on the message. I spoke about taking the middle path and not taking on extreme views, which could be dangerous at times... It went on to september-11 incident and so on... blah blah blah... My tone was probably so stern that he was on the verge of tears... I saw his sad face, and I changed my tone. This time I told him something from my heart, with guilty feelings, that he has a big mind, so big that it can fit the entire universe. His mind is on helping to save the Earth, and here I was, labelling him as an extremist. I told him that in comparison with his, mummy has a small mind. So small that I only could see things which are practical and present. I was reminded how he has been spending time after class each day, with a few classmates to clean the classroom voluntarily. I told him that he has a big mind, in desiring to serve others without asking for recognition (teachers are not aware of these little ones’ effort) while his mother has a small mind, sometimes getting impatient with him for taking a long time to leave the class, even though I know what he is doing is applaudable. He laughed at my self-deprecation, and I felt that it was much more impactful at addressing his premature decision than the previous lecture. The night ended well. He was cheerful and did not harbour bad feelings about himself when he went to sleep. Reflecting on it after that, I concluded that his mind is bigger than mine. He reads widely, and sometimes when he reads, he becomes so absorbed that he would not do his practice papers. The truth is that, when he reads, he gains wider knowledge about the world than from doing practice papers. It reminds me that even though we are parents, we are not always right. Sometimes, a child has better ideas than us. What the society tells us also may not always be right, and as parents, we need to be aware of our child’s needs and strengths. Who can force a child to read if he is not keen? If my child can learn about the world from reading, shouldn’t I encourage it? I am glad I changed my words and tone in time, to help him understand that there is nothing wrong with him or his thoughts.