It is a humbling experience to realise that there are many things that I do not know, and many things that I need to learn, as a parent. When my eldest attended preschool at the age of 3 years old, he learnt phonics. I have never attended phonics lessons, and did not know the right sounds of most of the letters in the alphabet. I bought books on phonics as well as a CD to learn the songs. I used the knowledge of the sounds of alphabets to teach him reading, even though I am still not very sure of certain sounds of letters and combinations of letters. For example, I do not know when the letter G is /g/ as in girl' and when it is /g/ as in 'giraffe'.
Later on, when the eldest learnt about animals, birds, and plants. I was introduced to terms such as "vertebrate" and "invertebrate" and I was learning how animals are grouped into reptiles, mammals, amphibians and so on. I am still unsure of the definitions of vertebrate and invertebrate even though I have gone to the Internet to check. I was also rather taken aback to learn that a tortoise is a reptile. I learnt that salamanders are amphibians and it was also the first time I come across this creature.
I discovered how ignorant I have been.
Now that my eldest is entering Primary school, and knowing that his fluency in Chinese is very poor, I am determined to teach him the subject. While I was aceing the language during my school days, I find myself unable to converse with him in Mandarin without frequently switching to English terms. In addition, I am unable to read and write many Chinese characters due to the lack of usage of the language.
After several failed attempts to converse with him in Mandarin or to teach him reading and writing, I knew that I am not up to par.
I realised that I need to relearn the language. I need to be exposed to it frequently, or rather, be immensed in the language. I decided that I should start reading Chinese books and articles. I bought 2 Chinese magazines and a Chinese short-story and started reading them. Not so bad, I thought, as I am beginning to read faster now. I also listened to the old-time Mandarin pop songs that I used to like. When I able to think, read and write in Chinese, then I am better able to teach him.
Both my boys are learning piano, and while I have taken lessons as an adult student for close to 5 years, and had taken ABRSM grade 3 examination, I find that my theory knowledge is terrible. Recently, I gave an old piano book to my eldest to play (coached by his piano teacher of course). As I browsed through the pieces in the book, I am reminded of the tunes that were once familiar to me. I decided that I will relearn those pieces again, and I have started to do so. The nice tunes caught the attention of my eldest and he is also greater motivation to learn the pieces in the book.
Besides academics and learning, there are many other things that I have learnt in the process of being a parent. I have learnt about medicine - which one to treat which symptoms. I can sometimes engage in decent conversation with doctors on which medication to give or not to give. In the past, when I am sick, I would not question the prescription and would simply pop the medicine given to me.
Having children gives me the opportunity to learn and to relearn, but I find that the most important thing of all, is that our children learn better when we learn with them. Outsourcing to others to do the work may save us some time, but there is much fun in learning with them and it certainly will benefit them much more. We gain knowledge too...
A friend shared with me that she enjoys carrying her 5-year-old to school. The reason is that she can then listen to him recite poems. She added that she has to memorise the poems first before expecting him to do likewise. Otherwise, she would not know if he has recited correctly, and would not be able to help him if he forgets a line.
It is true that our children learn better when we are involved and show interest in their learning.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
K2 Graduation
I attended my eldest's K2 graduation ceremony on Thursday, 10 November.
There were 2 skits put up by 2 groups of children in his class; one in English and one in Chinese. My eldest was a narrator in the English skit.
During the 3-month long preparation, which includes many rounds of rehearsing, I could sense his stress. He often took the teacher's words seriously and felt the need to put up the best show. From the beginning, the teacher emphasised her expectation of no mistakes and the requirement to memorise the script. In fact, when I picked him up from the centre one day, I witnessed the teacher practising the lines with a girl, the main character, who was in tears. She was later replaced and another girl took over the main role.
During rehearsals, the children's meal times were also delayed a few times and their afternoon naps forgone. A few children were in tears at various parts of the preparation, and a few children coped by fooling around and disrupting the rehearsals. On several occasions, my son woke up in the morning and fearing that he could not remember the lines, went through the script first thing in the morning before school. I believe the teacher's message to them was strong.
I talked to him about taking it easy, and tried to help him by going through the script. I recorded the script with him and suggested that he listened to it repetitively to help him remember. He did not use this method but he memorised it in his own way. In fact, these young children have good memory and if given time, they will be able to remember the lines after a few repetitions. So I felt that the teacher's overemphasis was unnecessary.
I approached the teacher once, and shared with her about the stress the children must be facing. She could not see from my perspective. She shared that the other children were ok and they did not seem to be too bothered. Another teacher in his class felt that the children need to be given stress. At the same time, she said that the delay in meal time had not been overdone. My contention is that the children may be too young to be given such stress. For the girl who was first chosen as the main character and then replaced, I wondered how that had an impact on her esteem. Children learnt about themselves from such experience.
The children did very well on the concert day. They remembered their lines, their actions, and they had coordinated their roles very well. Many parents were suitably impressed by what their children are capable of. As for me, I was overcome by a sense of disappointment. After all that stressing up and numerous rehearsals, the microphone failed to work on the actual day. The audience could not hear the children. It was a pity. They have been rehearsing with the microphones all these while and were unable to project their voices. But they did their best by speaking at the top of their voices. I hope that the adults appreciated them for their display of flexibility and professionalism.
Many parents went to thank the teachers for their guidance. I did not. I am grateful to them for giving my son the opportunity to play a role that he is good at. As a narrator, he has many lines to remember. Being able to read helps him to go through the script on his own. He has also gained confidence in himself from this experience. However, I still feel that it could have been handled better. I believe that the children could still have done a good job if the teacher has dealt with it more gently. She is a young teacher, and was coordinating her first K2 concert. She could have felt a great pressure to perform her duties, but I hope that she had been more sensitive to the children's needs.
As parents and as educators (teachers), we sometimes need to ask - whose needs are we meeting? We sometimes think that we are helping the children by pushing them beyond their limits. Giving them stress to help them to grow up? Are we doing that so that we can prove to others that we are capable parents and teachers? Pushing them may be necessary, but we have to be gentle. I believe we can help them get to where they are capable of going, but perhaps we can avoid being hasty.
The graduation marks the end of his preschool education and the start of formal education. While remaining hopeful, I still have much apprehension about the school education system in Singapore - the constant push for the best and the drive for excellence. I feel for the children. It will be a balancing act that I have to learn - balancing the need to keep up with the school's high expectation and the need to protect my child's need for innocence.
God bless me.
There were 2 skits put up by 2 groups of children in his class; one in English and one in Chinese. My eldest was a narrator in the English skit.
During the 3-month long preparation, which includes many rounds of rehearsing, I could sense his stress. He often took the teacher's words seriously and felt the need to put up the best show. From the beginning, the teacher emphasised her expectation of no mistakes and the requirement to memorise the script. In fact, when I picked him up from the centre one day, I witnessed the teacher practising the lines with a girl, the main character, who was in tears. She was later replaced and another girl took over the main role.
During rehearsals, the children's meal times were also delayed a few times and their afternoon naps forgone. A few children were in tears at various parts of the preparation, and a few children coped by fooling around and disrupting the rehearsals. On several occasions, my son woke up in the morning and fearing that he could not remember the lines, went through the script first thing in the morning before school. I believe the teacher's message to them was strong.
I talked to him about taking it easy, and tried to help him by going through the script. I recorded the script with him and suggested that he listened to it repetitively to help him remember. He did not use this method but he memorised it in his own way. In fact, these young children have good memory and if given time, they will be able to remember the lines after a few repetitions. So I felt that the teacher's overemphasis was unnecessary.
I approached the teacher once, and shared with her about the stress the children must be facing. She could not see from my perspective. She shared that the other children were ok and they did not seem to be too bothered. Another teacher in his class felt that the children need to be given stress. At the same time, she said that the delay in meal time had not been overdone. My contention is that the children may be too young to be given such stress. For the girl who was first chosen as the main character and then replaced, I wondered how that had an impact on her esteem. Children learnt about themselves from such experience.
The children did very well on the concert day. They remembered their lines, their actions, and they had coordinated their roles very well. Many parents were suitably impressed by what their children are capable of. As for me, I was overcome by a sense of disappointment. After all that stressing up and numerous rehearsals, the microphone failed to work on the actual day. The audience could not hear the children. It was a pity. They have been rehearsing with the microphones all these while and were unable to project their voices. But they did their best by speaking at the top of their voices. I hope that the adults appreciated them for their display of flexibility and professionalism.
Many parents went to thank the teachers for their guidance. I did not. I am grateful to them for giving my son the opportunity to play a role that he is good at. As a narrator, he has many lines to remember. Being able to read helps him to go through the script on his own. He has also gained confidence in himself from this experience. However, I still feel that it could have been handled better. I believe that the children could still have done a good job if the teacher has dealt with it more gently. She is a young teacher, and was coordinating her first K2 concert. She could have felt a great pressure to perform her duties, but I hope that she had been more sensitive to the children's needs.
As parents and as educators (teachers), we sometimes need to ask - whose needs are we meeting? We sometimes think that we are helping the children by pushing them beyond their limits. Giving them stress to help them to grow up? Are we doing that so that we can prove to others that we are capable parents and teachers? Pushing them may be necessary, but we have to be gentle. I believe we can help them get to where they are capable of going, but perhaps we can avoid being hasty.
The graduation marks the end of his preschool education and the start of formal education. While remaining hopeful, I still have much apprehension about the school education system in Singapore - the constant push for the best and the drive for excellence. I feel for the children. It will be a balancing act that I have to learn - balancing the need to keep up with the school's high expectation and the need to protect my child's need for innocence.
God bless me.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Growing Up Pains
At 6 years old, my eldest boy has his first milk tooth extracted. It was not his first trip to the dentist but was the first time to have 2 injections of anaesthesia and then an extraction. He did not shed a tear but did yell a little. The dentist is an old friend and handled it without causing anxiety for the boy.
He complained of toothache more than a week ago. When I checked, I was horrified to see an adult tooth growing behind one of his lower incisor. It was ready to replace the milk tooth that was still hanging on. He grinned when he heard that his new tooth was growing out. He has been witnessing his classmates losing their milk teeth, and probably has been wondering when his turn will come.
His little incisor became a little wobbly after that and he was determined to have it 'dropped out'. So, despite his pain, he went on to eat meat, vegetables and apples. I was encouraging him and kept telling him that I was certain that it will come out soon. But, he suffered the pain for a whole week. We were hoping that it will drop off on its own. I was not aware that a milk tooth could take so long to drop off, especially when it was wobbling quite badly. I remembered that my late grandmother was the one who pulled out most of my milk teeth, and those of my siblings. No, she was not a dentist. It all seemed so simple. And I have heard about people tying one end of the string to the tooth and the other end to the door, and what? Slamming the door to pull out the tooth? I thought that was a joke but apparently it was used in some ancient generation. Would I pull out my child's tooth? Oh surely not. I don't have the courage to inflict such pain on him. I cringed upon seeing the doctor putting the needle in his mouth although he was not aware of the injections given to him until it was all over.
The good news is that his tooth was out, and he now presents a toothless grin. The bad news is that he will probably need braces to correct the alignment now that the first adult tooth has grown out of line.
The younger boy watched with interest at how his brother fussed over his wobbly milk tooth as well as the process of extraction. At one point, I was concerned that he will be witnessing a traumatic moment that will cause him to be afraid when his turn comes eventually. It was a good thing the eldest has responded bravely.
Growing up pains indeed.
Oh yes, he is saving his little tooth that has served him for the last 6 years. If I am right, that was also his first tooth that grew out!
He complained of toothache more than a week ago. When I checked, I was horrified to see an adult tooth growing behind one of his lower incisor. It was ready to replace the milk tooth that was still hanging on. He grinned when he heard that his new tooth was growing out. He has been witnessing his classmates losing their milk teeth, and probably has been wondering when his turn will come.
His little incisor became a little wobbly after that and he was determined to have it 'dropped out'. So, despite his pain, he went on to eat meat, vegetables and apples. I was encouraging him and kept telling him that I was certain that it will come out soon. But, he suffered the pain for a whole week. We were hoping that it will drop off on its own. I was not aware that a milk tooth could take so long to drop off, especially when it was wobbling quite badly. I remembered that my late grandmother was the one who pulled out most of my milk teeth, and those of my siblings. No, she was not a dentist. It all seemed so simple. And I have heard about people tying one end of the string to the tooth and the other end to the door, and what? Slamming the door to pull out the tooth? I thought that was a joke but apparently it was used in some ancient generation. Would I pull out my child's tooth? Oh surely not. I don't have the courage to inflict such pain on him. I cringed upon seeing the doctor putting the needle in his mouth although he was not aware of the injections given to him until it was all over.
The good news is that his tooth was out, and he now presents a toothless grin. The bad news is that he will probably need braces to correct the alignment now that the first adult tooth has grown out of line.
The younger boy watched with interest at how his brother fussed over his wobbly milk tooth as well as the process of extraction. At one point, I was concerned that he will be witnessing a traumatic moment that will cause him to be afraid when his turn comes eventually. It was a good thing the eldest has responded bravely.
Growing up pains indeed.
Oh yes, he is saving his little tooth that has served him for the last 6 years. If I am right, that was also his first tooth that grew out!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The Love For Insects
Not many people like insects and I used to be one of those who frown at the sight of them.
I have vivid memories of unfortunate close encounters with flying insects when I was young and I hated them. When I was about 14 years old, a beetle flew into my old Tanglin Halt flat and it flew straight at me! I found it on my pyjamas, yelled and quickly brushed it off. Then it came back and landed on my hair. Its persistence to be stuck on me was truly disgusting. I also had a habit of studying alone into late night. There was once I awoke (dozed off while trying to study for exam) to find the same type of beetle stuck on my leg. Ouch! Yuck!
It is not just the beetles, there were times when flying cockroaches came into my flat, and I had to activate either my mother, but usually my late grandmother to catch. Yes, they would catch it with their bare hands and did not mind the wriggling.
I still hate them pretty much, but I have developed a better opinion of insects. Well, not all of them are hideous looking - butterflies are much lovable and pretty. It all started when my husband brought my children to a butterfly farm. He decided to buy a few caterpillars to help them appreciate the amazing life cyle of butterflies. Yes, the scary looking crawlers. It took me several minutes to put aside my prejudgement to look at them in their eyes. Oh boy, they sure look as hideous as I have imagined. I tried hard not to reject them or to show my disgust for them in my children's presence.
I quickly googled about metamorphosis and found out the time taken for a caterpillar to become a cocoon and then a butterfly. We saw the caterpillars turning into cocoons after about a week and about another week later, a butterfly emerged from the cocoon. This butterfly is a Plain Tiger, a beautiful yellow and brown medium-sized butterfly shown in the blog. It got us all so excited. After its wings dried up, we took it to the nearby park to set it free. Following that, we witnessed a few other caterpillars turned into beautiful butterflies that bear no resemblance to its original form. The wonder of nature.
I went on to holding butterflies on its wings and allowing them to stand on my palm at several butterfly parks that we visited. A close encounter with insects out of free will! Of course, these brave acts were done in the presence of my children. The purpose is to teach them not to be afraid of insects.
Recently, my eldest went through a topic on Insects in school, and it further developed his interest for them. He learnt their names in Chinese and I had the opportunity to develop greater affinity with insects... This time, we found out how bees produced honey for us.
My love for butterflies has driven me to constantly look out for caterpillars in nearby parks. In fact, we caught 3 huge caterpillars recently, waited for them to become cocoons before snipping off the branch with the cocoon and bringing them home, releasing the butterflies after they emerged. We took pictures of the various stages of the process and turned it into a project on metamorphosis.
I, too, have metamorphosed!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Different Families, Different Destiny
I was saddened by the death of the 5-year-old Malay boy whose both parents were incaracerated for drug-related offences. He was around the age of my 2 boys. It is a possible case of abuse or maltreatment.
My children were curious about the case when I was reading the newspaper. They noted that I was visibly upset. I explained in simple terms on what happened. They asked a lot of questions, such as why the parents were in prison, what is a prison, why did the aunt do that and what is going to happen to the 7-year-old boy. I took this opportunity to help them become aware of the social woes in Singapore, the not so pleasant truths that many children, and sometimes adults are shielded from. At the same time, I reminded them of their fortunate circumstances.
I told them that these children do not choose to be in such a family circumstance. They are unfortunate victims of irresponsible parents who make poor choices in their lives. If the parents have been more responsible parents, they would probably make better choices about their lives. Drugs and offences are often choices that people make. We know of people who come from terrible backgrounds but do not turn to offences or drugs.
In the news, the parents were escorted by prison officers to their child's funeral and they wept. I am sure they feel the guilt, sadness and anger at the loss of their child. I can feel their sorrow. But I wondered aloud. Why did they allow their children to go through unnecessary pains. The 7-year-old is the survival of the ordeal but how much luckier is he? The dead child had lost his life and future but the living 7-year-old has a burden to carry for the rest of his life. He was alone with his brother when the latter died. How very painful.
Being in the social service, I am seeing several tragic family situations of children being left alone after the parents divorced. They are of similar themes - parents divorced, parents in prison and parents gone missing. These parents are very irresponsible and yet these children's loyalty remains with their parents. They display understanding towards their parents' unreasonable demands on them to grow up quickly and they paint their parents in good light. It is warped indeed but I guess this is how they cope. It probably is harder for them to accept that their parents have been irresponsible or bad.
I believe the school is making their own reflections on how their 7-year-old pupil has not been identified for the possible abuse by the aunt. But I find myself feeling helpless. There are so many of them who need help. Sometimes I have a fantasy that there is parent licensing, just like you need licence to drive, you need licence to be a parent. People lobbying for human righs may not agree, but what about the rights of children to have good, decent and responsible parents to raise them?
I am not able to change the world, but I learn an important lesson: Treasure my children and be thankful for what I have.
My children were curious about the case when I was reading the newspaper. They noted that I was visibly upset. I explained in simple terms on what happened. They asked a lot of questions, such as why the parents were in prison, what is a prison, why did the aunt do that and what is going to happen to the 7-year-old boy. I took this opportunity to help them become aware of the social woes in Singapore, the not so pleasant truths that many children, and sometimes adults are shielded from. At the same time, I reminded them of their fortunate circumstances.
I told them that these children do not choose to be in such a family circumstance. They are unfortunate victims of irresponsible parents who make poor choices in their lives. If the parents have been more responsible parents, they would probably make better choices about their lives. Drugs and offences are often choices that people make. We know of people who come from terrible backgrounds but do not turn to offences or drugs.
In the news, the parents were escorted by prison officers to their child's funeral and they wept. I am sure they feel the guilt, sadness and anger at the loss of their child. I can feel their sorrow. But I wondered aloud. Why did they allow their children to go through unnecessary pains. The 7-year-old is the survival of the ordeal but how much luckier is he? The dead child had lost his life and future but the living 7-year-old has a burden to carry for the rest of his life. He was alone with his brother when the latter died. How very painful.
Being in the social service, I am seeing several tragic family situations of children being left alone after the parents divorced. They are of similar themes - parents divorced, parents in prison and parents gone missing. These parents are very irresponsible and yet these children's loyalty remains with their parents. They display understanding towards their parents' unreasonable demands on them to grow up quickly and they paint their parents in good light. It is warped indeed but I guess this is how they cope. It probably is harder for them to accept that their parents have been irresponsible or bad.
I believe the school is making their own reflections on how their 7-year-old pupil has not been identified for the possible abuse by the aunt. But I find myself feeling helpless. There are so many of them who need help. Sometimes I have a fantasy that there is parent licensing, just like you need licence to drive, you need licence to be a parent. People lobbying for human righs may not agree, but what about the rights of children to have good, decent and responsible parents to raise them?
I am not able to change the world, but I learn an important lesson: Treasure my children and be thankful for what I have.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Joining the Bandwagon
The Primary 1 registration is next week! The day has come for my eldest to enter formal schooling. It is a scary thought.
Why is it a scary thought? Firstly, getting a child into a decent primary school is rather hard. The demand way exceeds the supply. In order to secure a place, many parents turn to volunteering at the school of their choice, and it turns out that the better schools have such a high number of parent volunteer applicants that the school interviews each of them to select the parents based on the service that they can offer. I suspect they select based on their background (educational, social economic status and occupation) in order to ensure higher academic outcome. Competitive and so much social engineering. That's why the good schools get better each year! Then there is balloting based on distance. Balloting outcome is based on luck, isn't it? So for a child to get to a better school, it is either he comes from a good family or he is lucky.
When my eldest was just 2-3 years old, my husband has the foresight of signing up as an alumni member of his former primary school. I thought that was plain 'kiasu-ness' but it turns out that we have to thank him for this 'foresight'. At least, my children is secured a place in a good school, and I don't have to do voluntary work or to depend on luck to get him in. I can imagine the stress and the frustration of other parents.
Secondly, the amount of stress the little child goes through when they enter formal education is horrendous - school work, projects, spelling, tests etc etc. All these require parental involvement and support. Parents spend their after work hours supervising their children in completing their school work. How much time is spent on enjoying the time with the child? Little.
The truth is: knowing that primary school education is so stressful, I, among some parents out there, want to give my children a good headstart, and the stress starts from as young as 4 years old. It sounds ridiculous, but to expect a 7-year-old child to do his work, learn at expected pace is ridiculous too. They are expected to be able to read, write, spell, do math and many more. Some twenty to thirty years ago, when I was attending Primary school, the expectation was so low. Learning was from the basic, and there were no prerequisites. These days, if your child cannot read or write by the time he enters primary school, he is deemed to be slower than his peers. Slow as defined as low intellectual abilities. How unfair! Who would want their child to be labelled as that? This is the system our children will go through.
I have adequately prepared my eldest for school academically. He can read, write, count, add, subtract and multiply. I want him to feel confident of his ability that the school expects of him. So, I think I do not have to worry about his academics, or at least I hope so. I am, however, worried about the social aspects of schooling. Bullying in schools is a common phenomenon. This is something that is not very much emphasised, and there are few strategies put in place to help pupils who may be facing bullying problems. Teachers are also not adequately trained to handle bullying issues. They often dismissed it as something unimportant to resolve and the victims are often thought of as trouble makers instead. The kind of emotional damage by bullying can be lasting and can develop into psychological problems later.
Parents need to be aware and be supportive of their school-going children to find out about the peer interaction that is taking place in the school. If there is a need, parents should approach the school for help. The child's emotional health is paramount. Why do so many children avoid schools? It is usually due to negative experiences in the school, which can sometimes come from peers and other times, from teachers themselves. Scary thought.
I am not so excited about my child going into primary school. Not at all. There are too many things that I worry about. I won't be able to speak with the teachers the way I speak with his childcare teachers now. I won't be able to make suggestions to the teachers on ways that may motivate him in the same way that I do with his childcare teachers. In the childcare centre that he is in, I sensed that the teachers really care. In formal schooling, the focus is entirely different.
Despite these negative thoughts, this is a phase that he has to go through. I shall be there to help him see through these difficult demands made on his little life. Yes, I shall, with God's blessings.
Why is it a scary thought? Firstly, getting a child into a decent primary school is rather hard. The demand way exceeds the supply. In order to secure a place, many parents turn to volunteering at the school of their choice, and it turns out that the better schools have such a high number of parent volunteer applicants that the school interviews each of them to select the parents based on the service that they can offer. I suspect they select based on their background (educational, social economic status and occupation) in order to ensure higher academic outcome. Competitive and so much social engineering. That's why the good schools get better each year! Then there is balloting based on distance. Balloting outcome is based on luck, isn't it? So for a child to get to a better school, it is either he comes from a good family or he is lucky.
When my eldest was just 2-3 years old, my husband has the foresight of signing up as an alumni member of his former primary school. I thought that was plain 'kiasu-ness' but it turns out that we have to thank him for this 'foresight'. At least, my children is secured a place in a good school, and I don't have to do voluntary work or to depend on luck to get him in. I can imagine the stress and the frustration of other parents.
Secondly, the amount of stress the little child goes through when they enter formal education is horrendous - school work, projects, spelling, tests etc etc. All these require parental involvement and support. Parents spend their after work hours supervising their children in completing their school work. How much time is spent on enjoying the time with the child? Little.
The truth is: knowing that primary school education is so stressful, I, among some parents out there, want to give my children a good headstart, and the stress starts from as young as 4 years old. It sounds ridiculous, but to expect a 7-year-old child to do his work, learn at expected pace is ridiculous too. They are expected to be able to read, write, spell, do math and many more. Some twenty to thirty years ago, when I was attending Primary school, the expectation was so low. Learning was from the basic, and there were no prerequisites. These days, if your child cannot read or write by the time he enters primary school, he is deemed to be slower than his peers. Slow as defined as low intellectual abilities. How unfair! Who would want their child to be labelled as that? This is the system our children will go through.
I have adequately prepared my eldest for school academically. He can read, write, count, add, subtract and multiply. I want him to feel confident of his ability that the school expects of him. So, I think I do not have to worry about his academics, or at least I hope so. I am, however, worried about the social aspects of schooling. Bullying in schools is a common phenomenon. This is something that is not very much emphasised, and there are few strategies put in place to help pupils who may be facing bullying problems. Teachers are also not adequately trained to handle bullying issues. They often dismissed it as something unimportant to resolve and the victims are often thought of as trouble makers instead. The kind of emotional damage by bullying can be lasting and can develop into psychological problems later.
Parents need to be aware and be supportive of their school-going children to find out about the peer interaction that is taking place in the school. If there is a need, parents should approach the school for help. The child's emotional health is paramount. Why do so many children avoid schools? It is usually due to negative experiences in the school, which can sometimes come from peers and other times, from teachers themselves. Scary thought.
I am not so excited about my child going into primary school. Not at all. There are too many things that I worry about. I won't be able to speak with the teachers the way I speak with his childcare teachers now. I won't be able to make suggestions to the teachers on ways that may motivate him in the same way that I do with his childcare teachers. In the childcare centre that he is in, I sensed that the teachers really care. In formal schooling, the focus is entirely different.
Despite these negative thoughts, this is a phase that he has to go through. I shall be there to help him see through these difficult demands made on his little life. Yes, I shall, with God's blessings.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The Joy of Parenthood
My two boys have shown a wonderful side of them - being perceptive and empathic. These are the qualities that I want my children to have. To say that I have succeeded in parenting is too soon, but I am grateful to see them blossom into good preschoolers.
I had a rough day at work today, and am pleasantly surprised that my eldest is able to detect my moodiness even though I have not displaced my unhappiness on them. He probably overheard part of the conversation I had with his father on the unpleasant experience at work. When he saw me spacing out at dinner, he asked if I am thinking about work. I think that it is not very often that a young child points out such observation and makes such a deduction. This is what I meant by being perceptive. I told him that he was right. The younger one, probably not knowing the story, then added that I ought not to be scared about what happened at work, he told me to 'just be fierce'. Sounds like the advice I give to him about dealing with naughty bullies at his preschool. I chuckled at the seriousness of their tone. I thanked them with a salute gesture and a 'Yes, Sirs!'.
The dinner continued and the elder asked if I think my desk in the study is messy. I said yes, and he told me to pack it up and if I did, he would reward me with 2 slices of pear. Interesting. He has learnt to reward good behaviour - or rather, using incentives to motivate good behaviour. The role reversal was quite funny and they are acting like me! Scary thought, but I pray that something good comes out of it.
At their bedtime, the elder one, while brushing his teeth, heard me hiccuping loudly, quickly got me my water bottle. The younger one, on the other hand, helped me to open my bottle and fed me the water. I thanked them, and praised them for their kindness. By now, my heart is filled with joy and gratitude.
A rough day at work ended with joy and happiness. My children have shown me kindness that I did not receive at work. This is what I have read about other people's experience, on how children, with their innocence and cheerfulness, touched their heart and helped them to overcome the harshness of the world. The negative experience becomes inconsequential and I am reminded of greater priority of my life.
I cannot predict the future but I want to capture these little moments of joy and be thankful for them. I feel that I am privileged to have such experiences with my children. In where I work, I have met many parents who do not have such privileges, partly because many of them have given up their role as parents. They feel that children are a burden, and they choose to pursue their own happiness, sometimes at the expense of their children's.
Perhaps life is not as accidental as it seems, and I believe to a great extent, that we reap what we sow. Some call it karma (2 people mentioned the word to me on separate occasions today). As parents, we have to be deliberate in our efforts in showing them our love and in teaching them the right values. Yet, life offers no guarantee, but the chance of our children showing us gratitude and love when we are old is increased.
The joy of parenthood comes with pains and sacrifices.
I had a rough day at work today, and am pleasantly surprised that my eldest is able to detect my moodiness even though I have not displaced my unhappiness on them. He probably overheard part of the conversation I had with his father on the unpleasant experience at work. When he saw me spacing out at dinner, he asked if I am thinking about work. I think that it is not very often that a young child points out such observation and makes such a deduction. This is what I meant by being perceptive. I told him that he was right. The younger one, probably not knowing the story, then added that I ought not to be scared about what happened at work, he told me to 'just be fierce'. Sounds like the advice I give to him about dealing with naughty bullies at his preschool. I chuckled at the seriousness of their tone. I thanked them with a salute gesture and a 'Yes, Sirs!'.
The dinner continued and the elder asked if I think my desk in the study is messy. I said yes, and he told me to pack it up and if I did, he would reward me with 2 slices of pear. Interesting. He has learnt to reward good behaviour - or rather, using incentives to motivate good behaviour. The role reversal was quite funny and they are acting like me! Scary thought, but I pray that something good comes out of it.
At their bedtime, the elder one, while brushing his teeth, heard me hiccuping loudly, quickly got me my water bottle. The younger one, on the other hand, helped me to open my bottle and fed me the water. I thanked them, and praised them for their kindness. By now, my heart is filled with joy and gratitude.
A rough day at work ended with joy and happiness. My children have shown me kindness that I did not receive at work. This is what I have read about other people's experience, on how children, with their innocence and cheerfulness, touched their heart and helped them to overcome the harshness of the world. The negative experience becomes inconsequential and I am reminded of greater priority of my life.
I cannot predict the future but I want to capture these little moments of joy and be thankful for them. I feel that I am privileged to have such experiences with my children. In where I work, I have met many parents who do not have such privileges, partly because many of them have given up their role as parents. They feel that children are a burden, and they choose to pursue their own happiness, sometimes at the expense of their children's.
Perhaps life is not as accidental as it seems, and I believe to a great extent, that we reap what we sow. Some call it karma (2 people mentioned the word to me on separate occasions today). As parents, we have to be deliberate in our efforts in showing them our love and in teaching them the right values. Yet, life offers no guarantee, but the chance of our children showing us gratitude and love when we are old is increased.
The joy of parenthood comes with pains and sacrifices.
Friday, April 15, 2011
The Super Mum - A Tribute to Grandma
18th April marks the 2nd anniversary of grandma's death. It has been 2 years since her passing but the memory of her is very fresh. It has been a long time since someone very dear is gone from my life and I am still taking time to grieve for the loss. There is a picture of grandma and my 2 boys on my desk. That was a picture taken just 3 months before she passed away, on my sons' 2nd and 4th birthday.
Grandma did not lead an easy life. She was divorced from her husband when her 3 children were young, and she worked very hard to feed them. It made her a brave, tough and wise person.
She found opportunities to earn extra income for the family, and I have seen her worked late into the night. From her and my mother, I learnt the virtue of laboring and hard work. Without a husband to support her, she did what she could to raise her children in her younger days. Then her children were married and set up their own families. She was still there, doing her bit as a supportive, protective and overly responsible mother - from mediating conflicts to raising grandchildren. When her eldest son, my father, passed away at the age of 36 years old, I saw much sorrow in her. The love for her son was great, even though he was not successful and was still a constant worry for her until his death. She helped my mum, the widow, as much as she could, because she felt an obligation to provide what her late son could not.
She was there with us, on so many occasions that we wanted her - to comfort when we were in tears and to share joy when we were celebrating our successes and major milestones. She was with me for 37 years of my life, hmm, a little longer than she was a mum to my dad. She was one person who was significant in my life; our relationship was strong. To let her go was tough. In fact, I know that it was not just for me, but for all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren whose lives she had touched.
She is still very much alive in our memory. We remember the virtues that she displayed, the kindness she had shown, the respect that she commanded, the stance of quietly knowing what was going on, not forgetting the yummy food that she cooked and her parting words for each of us. She was sent to the hospital after a blood vessel leaked but she hang on long enough to leave a word for all of us, before she quietly left. She shall be a reminder to us to celebrate the small joy we have in our lives - we have been blessed with many of what she had not.
Grandma did not lead an easy life. She was divorced from her husband when her 3 children were young, and she worked very hard to feed them. It made her a brave, tough and wise person.
She found opportunities to earn extra income for the family, and I have seen her worked late into the night. From her and my mother, I learnt the virtue of laboring and hard work. Without a husband to support her, she did what she could to raise her children in her younger days. Then her children were married and set up their own families. She was still there, doing her bit as a supportive, protective and overly responsible mother - from mediating conflicts to raising grandchildren. When her eldest son, my father, passed away at the age of 36 years old, I saw much sorrow in her. The love for her son was great, even though he was not successful and was still a constant worry for her until his death. She helped my mum, the widow, as much as she could, because she felt an obligation to provide what her late son could not.
She was there with us, on so many occasions that we wanted her - to comfort when we were in tears and to share joy when we were celebrating our successes and major milestones. She was with me for 37 years of my life, hmm, a little longer than she was a mum to my dad. She was one person who was significant in my life; our relationship was strong. To let her go was tough. In fact, I know that it was not just for me, but for all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren whose lives she had touched.
She is still very much alive in our memory. We remember the virtues that she displayed, the kindness she had shown, the respect that she commanded, the stance of quietly knowing what was going on, not forgetting the yummy food that she cooked and her parting words for each of us. She was sent to the hospital after a blood vessel leaked but she hang on long enough to leave a word for all of us, before she quietly left. She shall be a reminder to us to celebrate the small joy we have in our lives - we have been blessed with many of what she had not.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
End of Single-Parenthood
Hubby is back from Abu Dhabi, after 4 long months. It was a period of trials and challenges for all of us.
We have been married for 10 years, and this is the first time that we are physically apart for so long. I consider myself the luckier one though - I am at home with the 2 boys. Life is easier having the children with me. If I were the one who had gone overseas alone, I am not sure how I would have coped. The boys give me the strength to handle the difficulties of everyday life. We have coped surprisingly well without my hubby around. God has helped us. The children have been more cooperative and compliant in his absence and have kept to the routine faithfully. They seemed to understand that it is hard for mummy to take care of them alone. However, weekends were kinda boring because of the absence of our outdoor manager. I am not good at planning outdoor activities for them, although I managed a few difficult ones - including a morning picnic at Botanic Gardens and a trip to T3, Changi Airport.
During the Chinese New Year celebrations, it was also just 3 of us, and we managed to perform our annual visits to relatives. We went as far as Serangoon, with some help from GPS. It was not always accurate, but nevertheless gives me the confidence to drive around.
On their birthdays in January, I managed to organise a visit to the Bird Park, so that they can hear the bird 'Amigo' sing the birthday song, and ended the outing with a teppanyaki lunch at Jurong Hill. How adventurous .... but without their daddy around, it is somehow not fun enough. The next day, we went to Hort Park and had dinner at Jack's Place, Anchor Point. The younger one commented that it is not fun to just have 3 of us. How true it is.
Now, hubby is finally back. It has been close to a month since he came home. Sadly, I would say that we are adjusting to having him around now. At first, we were adjusting to his absence, and now to his presence. What an irony. Gregory, the younger one, also became more rebellious and uncooperative since his father's return. Nevertheless, life is a little more interesting now. He took us on a trip for us to Kuala Lumpur during the March school holidays. What can I conclude from here? In any situation, there will be good and bad. When hubby was away, I 'ran the show' and the kids had to adapt to just one parent's style and expectations. When he is back, the way things are done is different, and now they have to adapt to 2 parents. Of course, it is always better to have 2 parents. One parent will struggle to maintain the stamina, both physical and mental, to raise the children forever.
Strangely, I was also becoming more productive in my hubby's absence. I did an online certification course, came up with some business plans, and many more. With his return, I am not as focused as I wanted to be. Naturally. I pray that we will cherish each other's presence, as we have learnt from the absence that we have a deep concern for each other. But well, living with each other... the differences, even the tiniest ones such as putting down the toilet seat, can get on our nerves. Can't deny that we are human afterall.
We have been married for 10 years, and this is the first time that we are physically apart for so long. I consider myself the luckier one though - I am at home with the 2 boys. Life is easier having the children with me. If I were the one who had gone overseas alone, I am not sure how I would have coped. The boys give me the strength to handle the difficulties of everyday life. We have coped surprisingly well without my hubby around. God has helped us. The children have been more cooperative and compliant in his absence and have kept to the routine faithfully. They seemed to understand that it is hard for mummy to take care of them alone. However, weekends were kinda boring because of the absence of our outdoor manager. I am not good at planning outdoor activities for them, although I managed a few difficult ones - including a morning picnic at Botanic Gardens and a trip to T3, Changi Airport.
During the Chinese New Year celebrations, it was also just 3 of us, and we managed to perform our annual visits to relatives. We went as far as Serangoon, with some help from GPS. It was not always accurate, but nevertheless gives me the confidence to drive around.
On their birthdays in January, I managed to organise a visit to the Bird Park, so that they can hear the bird 'Amigo' sing the birthday song, and ended the outing with a teppanyaki lunch at Jurong Hill. How adventurous .... but without their daddy around, it is somehow not fun enough. The next day, we went to Hort Park and had dinner at Jack's Place, Anchor Point. The younger one commented that it is not fun to just have 3 of us. How true it is.
Now, hubby is finally back. It has been close to a month since he came home. Sadly, I would say that we are adjusting to having him around now. At first, we were adjusting to his absence, and now to his presence. What an irony. Gregory, the younger one, also became more rebellious and uncooperative since his father's return. Nevertheless, life is a little more interesting now. He took us on a trip for us to Kuala Lumpur during the March school holidays. What can I conclude from here? In any situation, there will be good and bad. When hubby was away, I 'ran the show' and the kids had to adapt to just one parent's style and expectations. When he is back, the way things are done is different, and now they have to adapt to 2 parents. Of course, it is always better to have 2 parents. One parent will struggle to maintain the stamina, both physical and mental, to raise the children forever.
Strangely, I was also becoming more productive in my hubby's absence. I did an online certification course, came up with some business plans, and many more. With his return, I am not as focused as I wanted to be. Naturally. I pray that we will cherish each other's presence, as we have learnt from the absence that we have a deep concern for each other. But well, living with each other... the differences, even the tiniest ones such as putting down the toilet seat, can get on our nerves. Can't deny that we are human afterall.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Little Helper
Little children can be great helpers too. Contrary to what many parents think, little children love to help their parents. They are eager to imitate their parents in doing housework. It is not just a girl's thing, boys like to imitate their parents too. I remember that my eldest was fascinated by vacuum cleaners when he was young. We got him a toy one, which was only available in pink and purple (stereotyping) and he played with it frequently, pretending to vacuum the floor while making a 'woo' sound. The first one broke after a while and we bought him another one which continued to be his favourite toy for quite some time.
Helping with the chores is a great way to instil responsibility. The great lament among middle aged adults is that youngsters these days are no longer independent, are too reliant on domestic helpers and can't take care of themselves. It is reflective of our culture. In many households, many parents are dependent on the domestic helpers to do the housework. The children no longer get to see how their parents do the work, so what do they then imitate? They naturally imitate their parents' way of asking someone else to fetch their things, to serve them, to clean up their mess and so on. It is hence not surprising to find children growing up not learning to do some basic chores. The opportunities to learn to keep their toys, put away their utensils, clean up their own room are lost when these are done by someone else. I strongly believe that when a child puts away his toys habitually, he learns to be responsible for his own things and this learning is transferred to other areas in his life. He becomes a responsible adult.
While I mentioned that kids are curious and love to imitate, being responsible is not instinctive for a child. It starts by having expectation communicated by the parents to the child, that he puts away his toys, makes his bed, packs his school bag and so on. When the child is able to follow the instructions, he is rewarded with verbal praises, smiles, and perhaps little treats to indicate that his behaviour is desired and appreciated. The child will eventually learn from the response of parents that he has done something that pleases his parents and more importantly, that he is capable of contributing to the family. However, if he does not wish to comply, consequences have to be implemented to ensure that the action is followed through. My eldest was about 20 months old when he deliberately threw his paper-folded stars on the floor. He refused to pick it up and wanted his parents to pick it up instead. I remembered he was crying bitterly when he knew he was left with no choice but to pick up the little stars. I don't remember him repeating the same misbehaviour after that.
At what age do we start training our little helper to start helping? Common sense will tell us that the younger the child, the easier it is to influence them. Imagine trying to get a teenager who has never done any household chores to do something. It's likely to be an uphill task. So how young can we start? I suggest that as soon as a child is capable of understanding verbal instructions, we can start guiding him to keep his toys. The expectation has to be clear, and it has to be consistently carried out. Verbal praises and words of appreciation and 'thank you' will motivate the little one to continue the good work. Show him how to keep his toys and help him a little in the beginning. When he knows how, he can be expected to do so by himself. Practise it consistently, and increase the level of difficulty with the child's increase in ability.
On a daily basis, my children put the toys away after playing, and put their dirty laundry in the laundry basket after changing. They also keep their folded clothes in the drawers. This is expected of them, and I make it clear that if they leave the toys lying on the floor, they will be put away by me and will not be accessible to them for the next few days. A few times I deliberately left them in the waste paper bin and they were upset when they found it there the next day. But they knew it was because they did not keep them. In similar respect, if they do not clear their dirty laundry, their clothes will not be washed. It does sound like coercion, but I rather call it 'teaching responsibility'. Whichever you call it, the result is quite clear - they learn to be responsible.
Both boys are also able to help me with simple chores, such as wiping the furniture, replace the floor rug with a clean one, tidy up the room and hanging their clothes on a hanger to dry. They enjoy helping me and their father, and I always thank them for helping out. Sometimes, I reward them with a small treat and they are very happy. Perhaps because I don't have a domestic helper, it is easier to ellicit their empathy, and they feel a need to help their mummy.
I also know of parents who unintentionally sabotage their child's learning of responsibility by doing everything for their child. It is true that the child will not do it as well as we do. It is true that it is sometimes hard to get them to comply and it is better that we do it than to get our blood pressure up. However, if we want to them to learn to be responsible, we have to give them the opportunities, including the opportunities to make mistakes and do a less-than-perfect work.
Being parents of young children, we are in a position to make decisions that help them learn. This is so that when they grow up, they are in a position to make good decisions that help themselves.
Helping with the chores is a great way to instil responsibility. The great lament among middle aged adults is that youngsters these days are no longer independent, are too reliant on domestic helpers and can't take care of themselves. It is reflective of our culture. In many households, many parents are dependent on the domestic helpers to do the housework. The children no longer get to see how their parents do the work, so what do they then imitate? They naturally imitate their parents' way of asking someone else to fetch their things, to serve them, to clean up their mess and so on. It is hence not surprising to find children growing up not learning to do some basic chores. The opportunities to learn to keep their toys, put away their utensils, clean up their own room are lost when these are done by someone else. I strongly believe that when a child puts away his toys habitually, he learns to be responsible for his own things and this learning is transferred to other areas in his life. He becomes a responsible adult.
While I mentioned that kids are curious and love to imitate, being responsible is not instinctive for a child. It starts by having expectation communicated by the parents to the child, that he puts away his toys, makes his bed, packs his school bag and so on. When the child is able to follow the instructions, he is rewarded with verbal praises, smiles, and perhaps little treats to indicate that his behaviour is desired and appreciated. The child will eventually learn from the response of parents that he has done something that pleases his parents and more importantly, that he is capable of contributing to the family. However, if he does not wish to comply, consequences have to be implemented to ensure that the action is followed through. My eldest was about 20 months old when he deliberately threw his paper-folded stars on the floor. He refused to pick it up and wanted his parents to pick it up instead. I remembered he was crying bitterly when he knew he was left with no choice but to pick up the little stars. I don't remember him repeating the same misbehaviour after that.
At what age do we start training our little helper to start helping? Common sense will tell us that the younger the child, the easier it is to influence them. Imagine trying to get a teenager who has never done any household chores to do something. It's likely to be an uphill task. So how young can we start? I suggest that as soon as a child is capable of understanding verbal instructions, we can start guiding him to keep his toys. The expectation has to be clear, and it has to be consistently carried out. Verbal praises and words of appreciation and 'thank you' will motivate the little one to continue the good work. Show him how to keep his toys and help him a little in the beginning. When he knows how, he can be expected to do so by himself. Practise it consistently, and increase the level of difficulty with the child's increase in ability.
On a daily basis, my children put the toys away after playing, and put their dirty laundry in the laundry basket after changing. They also keep their folded clothes in the drawers. This is expected of them, and I make it clear that if they leave the toys lying on the floor, they will be put away by me and will not be accessible to them for the next few days. A few times I deliberately left them in the waste paper bin and they were upset when they found it there the next day. But they knew it was because they did not keep them. In similar respect, if they do not clear their dirty laundry, their clothes will not be washed. It does sound like coercion, but I rather call it 'teaching responsibility'. Whichever you call it, the result is quite clear - they learn to be responsible.
Both boys are also able to help me with simple chores, such as wiping the furniture, replace the floor rug with a clean one, tidy up the room and hanging their clothes on a hanger to dry. They enjoy helping me and their father, and I always thank them for helping out. Sometimes, I reward them with a small treat and they are very happy. Perhaps because I don't have a domestic helper, it is easier to ellicit their empathy, and they feel a need to help their mummy.
I also know of parents who unintentionally sabotage their child's learning of responsibility by doing everything for their child. It is true that the child will not do it as well as we do. It is true that it is sometimes hard to get them to comply and it is better that we do it than to get our blood pressure up. However, if we want to them to learn to be responsible, we have to give them the opportunities, including the opportunities to make mistakes and do a less-than-perfect work.
Being parents of young children, we are in a position to make decisions that help them learn. This is so that when they grow up, they are in a position to make good decisions that help themselves.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Cherish Every Moment of Their Lives
I was 'cleaning' up my computer and was looking at some old photographs of my children, which brought a smile to my face. They were so chubby and adorable when they were younger. It seemed like just not long ago that I was holding my first newborn in my arms, pacing in the dark, and gently calling him 'beady eyes' for the pair of shiny bright eyes that were trying to survey the environment. He was only a few days old and had not been able to differentiate between day and night. So I held him in the dark and truly enjoyed the moment when there were just the 2 of us. It was also not so long ago that my current colleagues saw me pregnant with my younger one.
My eldest is now 6 years old and has grown into a sensible, articulate and pleasant child. These 6 years have gone by quickly and it wouldn't be long before I lament at how he has grown into a young adult. But there are so many stories to tell about these 6 years - the countless beautiful moments of laughter and play; equally many moments of anger and frustration when our relationship was strained by unmet expectations; the worrying when he got sick and feverish; as well as the high anxiety whenever he was put through his first experiences. I do not have a very good memory, and have to be reminded by photographs that we have.
It took my husband and I more than 4 years into the marriage before we bore our first child. I thought I was barren, as repeated attempts to conceive, with assisted fertility treatments did not succeed. When I was on the verge of giving up, I found out that I was pregnant. We called him Matthew, which means God's gift. It is perhaps this long wait that made me cherish my children so much. Matthew celebrated his 6th birthday yesterday, and today his younger brother Gregory celebrated his 4th birthday. I marvel at how much these boys have grown, physically, socially and cognitively.
Thank God.
My eldest is now 6 years old and has grown into a sensible, articulate and pleasant child. These 6 years have gone by quickly and it wouldn't be long before I lament at how he has grown into a young adult. But there are so many stories to tell about these 6 years - the countless beautiful moments of laughter and play; equally many moments of anger and frustration when our relationship was strained by unmet expectations; the worrying when he got sick and feverish; as well as the high anxiety whenever he was put through his first experiences. I do not have a very good memory, and have to be reminded by photographs that we have.
It took my husband and I more than 4 years into the marriage before we bore our first child. I thought I was barren, as repeated attempts to conceive, with assisted fertility treatments did not succeed. When I was on the verge of giving up, I found out that I was pregnant. We called him Matthew, which means God's gift. It is perhaps this long wait that made me cherish my children so much. Matthew celebrated his 6th birthday yesterday, and today his younger brother Gregory celebrated his 4th birthday. I marvel at how much these boys have grown, physically, socially and cognitively.
Thank God.
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