Little children can be great helpers too. Contrary to what many parents think, little children love to help their parents. They are eager to imitate their parents in doing housework. It is not just a girl's thing, boys like to imitate their parents too. I remember that my eldest was fascinated by vacuum cleaners when he was young. We got him a toy one, which was only available in pink and purple (stereotyping) and he played with it frequently, pretending to vacuum the floor while making a 'woo' sound. The first one broke after a while and we bought him another one which continued to be his favourite toy for quite some time.
Helping with the chores is a great way to instil responsibility. The great lament among middle aged adults is that youngsters these days are no longer independent, are too reliant on domestic helpers and can't take care of themselves. It is reflective of our culture. In many households, many parents are dependent on the domestic helpers to do the housework. The children no longer get to see how their parents do the work, so what do they then imitate? They naturally imitate their parents' way of asking someone else to fetch their things, to serve them, to clean up their mess and so on. It is hence not surprising to find children growing up not learning to do some basic chores. The opportunities to learn to keep their toys, put away their utensils, clean up their own room are lost when these are done by someone else. I strongly believe that when a child puts away his toys habitually, he learns to be responsible for his own things and this learning is transferred to other areas in his life. He becomes a responsible adult.
While I mentioned that kids are curious and love to imitate, being responsible is not instinctive for a child. It starts by having expectation communicated by the parents to the child, that he puts away his toys, makes his bed, packs his school bag and so on. When the child is able to follow the instructions, he is rewarded with verbal praises, smiles, and perhaps little treats to indicate that his behaviour is desired and appreciated. The child will eventually learn from the response of parents that he has done something that pleases his parents and more importantly, that he is capable of contributing to the family. However, if he does not wish to comply, consequences have to be implemented to ensure that the action is followed through. My eldest was about 20 months old when he deliberately threw his paper-folded stars on the floor. He refused to pick it up and wanted his parents to pick it up instead. I remembered he was crying bitterly when he knew he was left with no choice but to pick up the little stars. I don't remember him repeating the same misbehaviour after that.
At what age do we start training our little helper to start helping? Common sense will tell us that the younger the child, the easier it is to influence them. Imagine trying to get a teenager who has never done any household chores to do something. It's likely to be an uphill task. So how young can we start? I suggest that as soon as a child is capable of understanding verbal instructions, we can start guiding him to keep his toys. The expectation has to be clear, and it has to be consistently carried out. Verbal praises and words of appreciation and 'thank you' will motivate the little one to continue the good work. Show him how to keep his toys and help him a little in the beginning. When he knows how, he can be expected to do so by himself. Practise it consistently, and increase the level of difficulty with the child's increase in ability.
On a daily basis, my children put the toys away after playing, and put their dirty laundry in the laundry basket after changing. They also keep their folded clothes in the drawers. This is expected of them, and I make it clear that if they leave the toys lying on the floor, they will be put away by me and will not be accessible to them for the next few days. A few times I deliberately left them in the waste paper bin and they were upset when they found it there the next day. But they knew it was because they did not keep them. In similar respect, if they do not clear their dirty laundry, their clothes will not be washed. It does sound like coercion, but I rather call it 'teaching responsibility'. Whichever you call it, the result is quite clear - they learn to be responsible.
Both boys are also able to help me with simple chores, such as wiping the furniture, replace the floor rug with a clean one, tidy up the room and hanging their clothes on a hanger to dry. They enjoy helping me and their father, and I always thank them for helping out. Sometimes, I reward them with a small treat and they are very happy. Perhaps because I don't have a domestic helper, it is easier to ellicit their empathy, and they feel a need to help their mummy.
I also know of parents who unintentionally sabotage their child's learning of responsibility by doing everything for their child. It is true that the child will not do it as well as we do. It is true that it is sometimes hard to get them to comply and it is better that we do it than to get our blood pressure up. However, if we want to them to learn to be responsible, we have to give them the opportunities, including the opportunities to make mistakes and do a less-than-perfect work.
Being parents of young children, we are in a position to make decisions that help them learn. This is so that when they grow up, they are in a position to make good decisions that help themselves.
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