Different Families, Different Destiny

I was saddened by the death of the 5-year-old Malay boy whose both parents were incaracerated for drug-related offences. He was around the age of my 2 boys. It is a possible case of abuse or maltreatment.

My children were curious about the case when I was reading the newspaper. They noted that I was visibly upset. I explained in simple terms on what happened. They asked a lot of questions, such as why the parents were in prison, what is a prison, why did the aunt do that and what is going to happen to the 7-year-old boy. I took this opportunity to help them become aware of the social woes in Singapore, the not so pleasant truths that many children, and sometimes adults are shielded from. At the same time, I reminded them of their fortunate circumstances.

I told them that these children do not choose to be in such a family circumstance. They are unfortunate victims of irresponsible parents who make poor choices in their lives. If the parents have been more responsible parents, they would probably make better choices about their lives. Drugs and offences are often choices that people make. We know of people who come from terrible backgrounds but do not turn to offences or drugs.

In the news, the parents were escorted by prison officers to their child's funeral and they wept. I am sure they feel the guilt, sadness and anger at the loss of their child. I can feel their sorrow. But I wondered aloud. Why did they allow their children to go through unnecessary pains. The 7-year-old is the survival of the ordeal but how much luckier is he? The dead child had lost his life and future but the living 7-year-old has a burden to carry for the rest of his life. He was alone with his brother when the latter died. How very painful.

Being in the social service, I am seeing several tragic family situations of children being left alone after the parents divorced. They are of similar themes - parents divorced, parents in prison and parents gone missing. These parents are very irresponsible and yet these children's loyalty remains with their parents. They display understanding towards their parents' unreasonable demands on them to grow up quickly and they paint their parents in good light. It is warped indeed but I guess this is how they cope. It probably is harder for them to accept that their parents have been irresponsible or bad.

I believe the school is making their own reflections on how their 7-year-old pupil has not been identified for the possible abuse by the aunt. But I find myself feeling helpless. There are so many of them who need help. Sometimes I have a fantasy that there is parent licensing, just like you need licence to drive, you need licence to be a parent. People lobbying for human righs may not agree, but what about the rights of children to have good, decent and responsible parents to raise them?

I am not able to change the world, but I learn an important lesson: Treasure my children and be thankful for what I have.