A quarter of the year has passed. It still feels good to be a stay-at-home mum. I was telling my husband yesterday that it is a calling to be staying at home looking after kids. By this, I do not mean that life as a stay-at-home mum is mundane or difficult. To many parents, making this decision is difficult. It has been in our culture for mothers to work. Many measures have been put in place to support mothers to go out to work. There have been a big jump in the number of new childcare centres over the couple of years, to support working mothers. I suspect that in the near future, we will see a similar jump on student care centres to help working mothers who have school going children.
Our society had made it quite easy for mothers to go back to work after child birth. In fact, many mothers prepare themselves to return to work after the 4 months of maternity leave. Unless it is a case of a mother who cannot find a suitable caregiver for th child, the decision to return to work is the norm. It is also the expectation of the society.
When I had my first child, I felt terrible when I had to return to work after the maternity leave. It's quite like a separation anxiety. It is not surprising, given that I have bonded with my baby for so many months. However, there was no plan to stay at home from the onset. My mother, a first-time grandmother, was prepared to give up her work to take care of my baby, and that was the plan. My husband was also not keen to have me stay at home just to look after kids. We were very practical people who followed the norm.
In fact, having another child to feed would mean we need the dual income. This is one way we rationalize when we return to work. But which mother who chooses to stay at home does not wish for more money, whether to buy more pretty stuff for herself or for the child, or to save up. Mothers who choose to stay at home often work around tight string budgets but come up with creative ways to generate some income. My cousin did it. She has no one to take care of her child when he was born. She did not take too long to decide to stay at home with her child. From there, she started a online shop selling things that she created. It later expanded to quite a scale that brings her a decent income. She has put her skills and talent into good use. She is a case of putting child's interest first, and then find a way to work out solutions to problems, and she came up with creative ones. I have also heard of other mothers who started a home business and manage their time around time to raise their children. It certainly is not easy.
In our society, mothers who stay at home are often thought of as selfish because "they put the financial burden on their husband". At the same time, they were thought of as being unproductive and unwise to give up their career. Indeed some of these women are professionals who are well qualified. They are thought of as wasting their time and effort to have pursued an education and career and giving that up now. Hence, it works against the women who decide to raise their children on their own. Hence, it is a calling.
The common replies that they give when asked about their decisions to stay at home are : "I have no other options", "children come first". However, I tend to think that there are more to these. There are many gratifying reasons to stay at home. Raising children has its gratification for many educated mothers. But the most important thing of all is that our children benefit from our time and presence. Many mothers who stay at home to look after their children can testify.
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