Reflections of the Last Decade

This last decade has passed in a flash. I have celebrated my 10th Mothers' Day! It was an ordinary day that was filled with chores and parenting duties, one of which was preparing the children for their coming exams.
This year, I find myself overcome with emotions, shedding tears of joy. I felt blessed to be a mother, and thankful for these 2 children. This is in contrast to the feelings I had in the last years, where I was frequently overwhelmed by the challenges in dealing with their temper tantrums, health issues, preschool issues, friendship issues, learning as well as disciplinary issues. These challenges were exacerbated by my own guilty feelings of leaving them in childcare, and my feelings of inadequacy as a mother.
What has changed? I asked myself. There are many factors. Certainly, the children have grown up and demand less physical care! They can brush their own teeth, shower themselves, pack their own bags, clean their own shoes and many more. In fact, they are able to help out in the chores now and then. Growing up also means developing greater cognitive abilities. They can be reasoned a bit more and hence, less unruly and more likely to be cooperative.
However, I choose to believe that the main factor that brought about my internal changes is my decision to stay at home with them. I have observed that there were significant fewer temper tantrums with my younger boy since I changed him from a full-day childcare centre to a 4-hour-a-day preschool when he turned 5. Of course, one can argue that 5 years old is a golden age where a child becomes more pleasing and cooperative. Or it could be that I have 'grown-up', and have become more experienced and at ease in dealing with disciplinary issues. But I believe that having more time with him at that time, which in turn translates to better mutual understanding, helps us to build a more positive relationship. While he still has his occasional temper tantrums, he is now more of a sweet and loving boy.
The elder one has always been an easy-going and eager-to-please child. I started to stay at home when he started primary 1. Unlike the younger one, there were fewer disciplinary issues with the elder one, but spending more time with him allows me to understand his relational problems at school as well as to coach him in his school work. He has since been achieving outstanding results in school, and has attained achievements beyond our wildest dreams.
Finally, but most importantly, I believe that staying at home releases me of the guilty feelings I once had as a working mum, even though I did not admit to it then. Now, I can be at any school events that require me, e.g. meet-the-teacher sessions, learning journey, school performances or simply bring them lunch, wait for them after school, be the first to listen to their woes and good news about school, help them with their homework and so many more. This may be less exciting than having a career with good promotional prospects, good pay and travelling opportunities, which I am no longer enticed by. I have gotten used to a simple lifestyle with little luxury. But I have gained so much more. My heart is often filled with gratitude for the privilege I have in seeing my children grow. What I do lament is - how many more years do I still have in carrying out these parenting duties? Perhaps another 10 years before the boys become independent individuals? And as a mother, I have come to realise that 10 years will go by in a flash. How I treasure these moments with the children! I have been laughing a bit more and harder. I have become less inhibited. My expectations of them have also become more realistic, as I begin to think in terms of their needs and their strengths when making decisions regarding them.
The great thing is that I am not alone in this journey. Being at their school so frequently also means that I get to know other like-minded mothers - mothers who give themselves up for their children. Like me, these mothers not only cook, bake, wash, and take care of the general well-being of their children, they also chauffeur and tutor them! I have learnt a lot from these mothers, and we support each other.
I would encourage mothers who want to stay at home to do so when the children are young. In a span of 10-20 years, the little infant or toddler will grow up, and no amount of money or hard work can reverse this process.
How would the next 10 years turn out? I do not know! But certainly there will be challenges in dealing with adolescence. I am not sure if I will be ready to take on those challenges, but I am willing to keep learning. Reading books on parenting and talking to other mothers have helped me to become a better mother and person!
I celebrate because I have come a long way. I have changed so much in the last decade! Thanks to motherhood.